I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
