is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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