Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
