check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
