just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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