U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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