I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
