when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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