my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
