he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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