I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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