wakey wakey hands off snakey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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