Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
