if i can run in heels then i can drive
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want nice things and good sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
