My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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