I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
