i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
