Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
