i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
