ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
