Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
