i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
