He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
