dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this hospital has no fireball
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
