don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
