I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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