Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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