I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
