so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
