It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
