Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
