Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
