I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
