im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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