I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drake has all the answers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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