1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
