One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so explain again why im purple
no
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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