He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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