You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
