return my video game
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
