Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We are all done wearing pants today
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
