I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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