i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
