Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
