Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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