This girl is more easily done than said...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
