remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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