"it" just moved
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
