I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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