The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
