Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
