Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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