He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
