the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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