oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
