Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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