Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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