Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
