Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
