He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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