Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
