Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
