Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Congratulations! We have a period
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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